The "Virgin" Queen

I've always felt a strong attraction to Queen Elizabeth I. I remember coming across Cate Blanchett's riveting performance in the movie Elizabeth many years ago while home in the Bahamas. I watched closely as she proclaim "There will be one mistress, and no master!" She was strong, stalwart, and became cold as marble for her people, her empire and her own survival. She was married to them! While some artistic and dramatic license was taken in both the first and second movie, the history speaks for itself. Elizabeth Tudor never married and crushed every attempt by her all-male council and Parliament to force her to do so.

I guess one might wonder what she found so abhorrent about the prospect of marriage. She was an acclaimed beauty, and she ascended the throne at a young age. Marriage would've seemingly given her stability, protection and most importantly an heir. For her though marriage represented a loss of control and interference of foreign powers she could not abide by.

Over the last few weeks, I've been feeling a growing attachment to the narrative of Elizabeth, both the history and the mythology of who she was. I can relate to it as I've wondered whether to seriously jump back into the dating pool. A particularly Aquarian trait has begun to rare its head. We tend become "disappointed emotionally because [our]own high personal ideals cause [us] to demand more of others than is reasonable." That coupled with the Elizabethan fear of a loss of control and unwanted "foreign" influences in the governing of my day to day life has made the idea of a serious relationship less than desirable.

I can't say that I've been hurt by anyone in the last few weeks, but there is a cloud of disappointment that has lingered when it comes to dating recently. Promises not being held, appearances not being made, a general lack of consistency has pervaded my experiences. That an the fact that no one seems qualified: not educated enough or no curiosity about things that are different and new, no exceptional style or presence, nothing interesting, new or different. Maybe my expectations are unreasonable, or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough or not looking at all. Whatever it is, to say the pickings have been slim would be an understatement.

Concerning the Elizabethan view on marriage, of control and external influence, I have this to say: I have a lot going on. My day job is demanding, to begin with. I foresee over the next few weeks keeping late hours in the office and very stressful days at the end of which I probably won't be in the mood to talk or relate. I have the night job now which requires me to be out constantly either working at parties or trying my best to be the life of them. I am doing things that I love- that I truly enjoy- and I wonder how a serious relationship would affect my life as it is now. I don't want some one marching in demanding my time, or for me to slow down. I'm doing things that I find an immense amount of worth in and I don't want anyone controlling that or giving their opinion on it.

Elizabeth become politically adept at using courtship as a tool of strategy and governance. "Elizabeth kept the marriage question open but often only as a diplomatic ploy." I've been quoted as saying that between the activist work and my promotional endeavors, flirting has become an essential part of the job description. I have no issue with that, it's the nature of the beast. Once seriously tied down, my eligibility can no longer be used as an instrument of my success. I'm not sure that at this time if that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

All of this comes into even greater focus as I reflect on the move to London and that I have no desire to sustain a pan-Atlantic relationship or move someone with me at this point in my life...

I would argue that thought canonized as the "Virgin Queen," Elizabeth was not a virgin (lol). In fact, historians believe she courted three or four suitors seriously over the course of her life time, one in particular that was featured in the first movie. Still though, through her reign and the writing of history, the power of her empire and her various successes, she has become and icon and goddess through what seemed to be her unaffected and unblemished person. She was an anointed ruler who could not be touched by mere men.

I am no virgin either, but I for the time being I seem to be finding my own power, my own control in my singleness. Of course, I do miss the things a relationship might bring...especially the physical things. However, I'm questioning if that is worth giving up the power I've discovered. Besides, do you really need a relationship to experience the physical things that come with it? Even though I haven't been, I'm not so sure that you do. What you do need is someone that understands that the physical doesn't necessarily beget the emotional.

So not to "jock" on Lizzy's rep...but I'm proposing a new narrative for the "Virgin Queen". Someone who- perhaps- is not afraid to find power in their singleness. Who, shirking the influence and control of another, is busy with the work of getting their house in order; who for the time being is married to themselves and the things they find worthwhile. And, maybe that's where I'm at...the "Virgin Queen"!

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Song du jour: "Successful" Drake feat. Trey Songz & Lil Wayne

A Picture of Home

I'm back! I can't say that I'm rested, or that the trip was "relaxing" but it was a much needed break from the everyday hustle and bustle of city living. And, luckily for me, it wasn't as crazy as my last trip home. Mostly quiet and uneventful, I spent lots of time with my fam especially my dad and nephew, with my friends and the Bahama Mama's crew (my favorite little bar in Port Lucaya) and watching movies. I snapped a few pictures, not many though. I'm sure there will be more as people post pics of me on Facebook. In the meantime...here they are, and a few words to go with them....



That's the little rascal himself, my little nephew Colon. We spent a lot of time together this trip, chasing after each other, watching Sesame Street and arguing. He's turning two next week and he's such a special and loving child. He already has his own little personality. He's bold, smart, excitable, easily frustrated and he doesn't mind pushing the boundaries. I'm deeply in love...



This is Felisha, one of my oldest and dearest friends. We've know each other since elementary school and she was my prom date. She's stuck by me even though I have "bad ways", typical Aquarian shit: I don't call, don't write...but the love is all there.

Mummy did a small dinner for me to celebrate my acceptance to the London School of Econ and PolSci for graduate school. She cooked Ox tails, seared grouper steaks, conch and rice, potato salad, cole slaw and she made fresh guava and coconut gelatoes. We had a few family and friends join us. The Glinton Sister (Meryl and Maurisa) came through and so did Ant (whose bday is was and Maurisa's bf). People ate until they couldn't move...







There's mummy and daddy arguing over the gelato...and that's my mom's little cafe on one of the main shopping areas in the Freeport.

The last night I was in Freeport, there were thunderstorms that pretty much kept me from going out. I couldn't sleep and ended up, driving to the beach to watch the sunrise.








There was still a bit of wind from the storms the night before, and the water was choppy and dark. I got there just as the East was lighting up, and the sun began to burn away the morning clouds. The purple flower on the beach against the white sand back drop caught my eye, and I saw a small sand crab rushing toward the water, trying to beat the morning sun. I've always had an obsession with sea-foam as well. Ever since I read the story of Aphrodite rising from the foam at the hands of Poseidon, I've always thought it to be magical. The beach I was on was so different when I lived in Freeport. Various storms have torn it apart and yet it's still so beautiful.

It took me 8 hours and 3 flights to get back to DC. I hopped off the plane, dropped my bags off, and head to our new party, Crash Sundays @ Efn Lounge. Before, I could put my feet to the ground properly, I was back on the grind.

Hmmmm....I think this post sums up my trip nicely. A picture of home...
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Song du jour: "Best I Ever Had"- Drake

Heading home...

I'm writing from Ft. Lauderdale's airport...I'm waiting for my flight to Freeport, Grand Bahama...otherwise known as home. Despite the mess of last trip (read about it here) I'm particularly thrilled and excited to be home. I'm looking forward to my friends and family...especially my little nephew. It's Rissa, on of the Glinton sisters, birthday today so there won't be much rest once I get off the plane. I wish I was there already, instead of having this six hour wait. But, I'm taking the time to prepare myself...

I'll be tweeting every day @ www.twitter.com/joeybahamas, and I'll try to write once of twice while I'm down there. I'm only gone for 8 days. I'll be taking plenty of pictures too so look out for that.

Home is truly where your heart lies...

I think...

...that it has become part of human nature to desire most that which we cannot have. Whether it's the cute boy across the room that pays you not attention, or the girl that has never said she loves you or never does you right, examples of this sort of backwards reasoning is everywhere. Even in the coverage of Michael Jackson's death, hungrily uncovering the motivation for his privacy and the appeal of his mystery has enveloped the 24hr news cycle. We have learned to idolized the inaccessible...

I'm not any different, to be completely honest. For example, I spend a considerable amount of time lusting after clothes that I, and most people, cannot afford. It's ingrained in us by an economic system where supply and demand have inverse relationships. The less there is, the more it is likely to be demanded...and thus, the more costly it becomes. That is capitalism. But, I think we can extrapolate beyond simple economics to something much deeper.

I wonder, is religion and the idea of God the most prominent and damaging example of how making something less accessible not only makes it more costly, but more desirable? I wonder if, as human beings in a quest to canonize the idea of God, Allah, the Creator, Jehovah, the Big Guy Upstairs, have made his embrace more narrow? In a system where the currency is grace and forgiveness and love, has a religious bourgeois class keep the spiritual proletariat away from that which is essentially "the means of production"? If we see God in everyone, how divine can he be?

What do you think??

The Great Fizzle of '09

I haven't written much about my dating life since String Bean and I broke up. I think that's probably for a couple of reasons. It's not like I haven't been dating. I've seen a few folks over the last three months, and the whole promoting gig gives me an opening as well. But something strange is happening and I'm not sure why. Everything seems to fizzle, and quickly at that. It starts off all hot and flirty, and before you know it , it all falls flat.

To begin with, I've had plenty of opportunity for random, no strings attached sex. Let's just put it plainly! And this is something I'm not opposed to when done safely, and it's not something I judge people about. Let's be real, sometime what we need is a good lay and that's usually how I feel after a break up. But I've found myself uninterested for the most part. There's been one person, and the chemistry was great, but it's been weeks now and even that has seemed to fizzle. On a deeper level, there've been people that I've been "talking" to, but eventually the text messages slow, the date never happens, and eventually it...well..fizzles.

I've been trying to figure out why this is happening, what the issue is. Is it just the people I'm talking getting to know? Have I exhausted the DC dating pool? Have I just become more mature about my choices, behavior and what I'd I'm looking for? Is the timing just bad and has work become a main priority? Or, am I still in love with String Bean and not ready to move on yet?

I'm thinking the answer may be a combination of things. I do feel like I'm looking for someone and something that has been difficult to find here in DC. I don't just want a slue of random hookups. At this particular point in my life it's something that doesn't interest me. It would be nice to find someone intelligent, fun loving, passionate about life and stable. Someone that is comfortable with themselves and me, and the life I'm living right now. I'm working so much, and a lot of my life is spent on the move, at clubs or traveling. Knowing that I'm going to be leaving in a year isn't helping either. It makes me put up a wall, not wanting to get to close to anyone or nail anything down. I'm not sure if I want to get into another serious relationship, and I'm not sure that's what's right for me.

And then there is that final question: Am I still in love with SB? Honestly, I think I am and I'm okay with that. Is it stopping me from finding someone new? I don't think so, although some may disagree. I don't think I'll stop loving him anytime soon, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking for someone to fit into the spot he once held. The shoes are there to be filled...they're a size 14 though.

So, maybe this mixture of a stunted time line, an increasing work load, a maturing of my taste and desires, the decision to pursue a more "untraditional" kind of relationship, and the residual from my last relationship is making it difficult for romantic flames to grow beyond just a spark. Maybe that's why my dating life reminds me of a 3 day old flute of champagne...once fabulous but now flat. What ever it is, I just can't seem to get no satisfaction...
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Song du jour: "Can't Get No Satisfaction"- Aretha Franklin

Where to Be: Homo/Sonic

The lovelies over at The New Gay, who I've written for in the past and still read, wanted me to pass this along to you guys.

Come out tomorrow night for Homo/Sonic, their flagship party. This co-ed, trans-inclusive, straight-friendly dance party takes place at the Black Cat on Friday, July 3rd.

Be prepared for great mixes and lots of dancing!

Check out the flier!
JB

My Summer Love Affair: NYC...

I spent this past weekend at the center of the universe, New York City. I’ve never made any qualms about my love for this place. I don’t say this about many cities, but NYC is one of those places I see in my future. Co-worker and good friend James (www.twitter.com/jserves) and I went up for the NYCGP festivities and didn’t make any solid plans about where we would go or what we would do. I knew I wanted to go shopping and I had originally set aside some time to go to the Bleu Magazine anniversary party with my brother Milan. Before I got to NY though, my brother dumped me as his date for some girl and so I had a weekend free to frolic as I pleased.

There was a shaky start leaving DC, as the bus before ours broke down. We got pushed back by and hour or so, and waiting in the sun for the next one was unpleasant. Like in all unlikable circumstance and drink helped get us through. We mixed cocktails as we waited for the bus and when we got on it made the trip easier. Because of the late departure we got stuck in traffic, it took us longer to get to our destination. We were crashing with friends of James that night and when finally got into the city we hopped in a cab and headed to Hell’s Kitchen.

HK is definitely one of my favorite places in the city. The apartment we were staying in was lovely, the home of a young couple, Xander and Steve. They were gracious and entertaining, complete opposites from each other in my opinion. We dropped our stuff off at their place and headed for a quick bite to eat at Vynl, a trend colorful dinner around the corner from their place. James and I met the other guest for the weekend, Dragan. Dragan has become one of my favorite people…an architecture student and a model. Six foot two of pure funny and sweetness…my new Slavic brother:



We paid the bill and jumped in a cab to head to the village for a house party. When we got there, the party seemed to be winding down…the apartment was sweltering and the liquor was just about done, so there must’ve been a crowd there. I was more concerned with the owners books; he had a mixture of fashion (including the Tom Ford book, Testino and Demarchelier’s photo books etc) and classic, rare comic book among other things. I was completely intrigued, but we didn’t stay long.

Into another cab we went and pulled up in front of Barracuda, a small club that was packed wall to wall. I grabbed a drink, Absolute Peach on the rocks, and we headed to the back of the club where there was a little space left. After a few minutes there we headed to the Ritz, where a friend of Xander's was DJing. I loved the crowd here, the dance floor was packed and hot and the beats were serving! After another drink I was feeling nice, we headed upstairs and cleared out a space where, of course, the kids began twirling . Worn out and exhausted, we decided to head home and call it a night. Xander and Steve had a big day ahead of them…the party on the terrace.

The apartment was small in true NY fashion, but they had a huge terrace with a beautiful view of the city. We woke up, ate the most over empanadas ever! and helped them get ready for the party. Xander was in complete hostess mode, and before you knew it we had dozens of people walking through the door, models working the bar and James and I holding court in a corner of the terrace. I conjured with Patrick Demarchelier’s studio manager, and a few of the other guest. The rain came and pushed everyone in side for karaoke and then James and I packed our stuff and headed to our hotel.


Conjuring with lady Onnetta, Demarchelier's studio manager. Talking about booking stars and couture.



Just a few days before we headed to NY James won free tickets and a hotel from from South West Airlines on twitter. We were supposed to stay on Madison Ave, but our reservations were moved to the Marriott Marquis in the middle of Time Square. From the 28th floor we could see the Hudson, and the busy streets...the city still held the after glow of the day as we got ready for the night. Dressed and ready to go, we picked up something to eat and headed out into the city.

Our first stop was Barrage…another Absolut Peach on the rocks. It wasn’t giving me what I wanted, so we walked a few blocks to the Ritz. We danced and James met a few friends from DC there. We didn’t stay long before we were ready to move it to another location. After much deliberation and bumping into HRC staffers on the street, we took a chance and head to the village to G Lounge. This place made my weekend, even though I had to stand in line. It was a mixed crowd, the music was great and the Tokyo Ice Tea let my ass have it! We stayed until about 3 or 4 in the morning, flirted and took the compliments as they came. We were the hot boys in the building apparently, which usually means the new faces.

We headed back to Times Square, singing Ursula’s part in the Little Mermaid, looking for something to eat. On the way I was approached by a boy from Amsterdam. He loved my style, my face…and apparently my lips. It was a short tryst in under the cities lights, and then we were back on a mission to find food. We caught a pizza place not too far from the hotel, took the food to go and crashed…making sure to close the curtains before we headed to sleep.

We didn’t wake up until midday. The hotel room was dark, but we rushed around getting dressed and checked out leaving our bags until we had to head back to DC. We met a mutual friends parents at the parade, and then headed to another house party not to far from the route. Another gorgeous NY apartment, belonging to another wealthy NY gay. We drank, ate cheese, and socialized…soon after we were on the move again looking for food and a new place to party.


Xander, Dragan and I at the final house party.


Just like good drunks, we decided that we didn’t want to leave at 7:30 pm, so we bought tickets for the 1:30 am bus and threw caution to the wind. That very wind swept us up and carried us to G Lounge again where another TIT made the world seem brighter.

By twelve, we knew we had to head back to TS but this time we walked. Stumbling on a McDonalds, we ate, read and eventually parted company. James and I sobered up and we knew it would be a ruff ride home. We got on the bus, got into DC at 6:30 am and I was in office by 8. Tired and miserable, but it was all worth is. I've fallen in love ...a true midsummer's night romance...I've fallen in love, again, with NYC...

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Song du jour: "Summer Boy"- Lady Gaga